My Religion - Thought One

My grandmother always said that religion is not something you want to talk about at the table. Come to think of it, we never talked about religion. Most of the people have their own way of thinking about their god(s). With that said, I do as well.

My first encounter with the religion in the US was about 10 years ago when I was asked if I was saved ..... What?! I was not sure how to react to a question like that. I would like to think that my God will take me (if my god excists) when my time comes. 

It has been a long journey and till this day I wonder about God, the bible, and the spiritual life.  I have been in the middle of that struggle for some time now. The questions are constantly there..  where is God?  Why is God so untouchable and unexplainable?  Why should I believe the Bible word to word?  Why? 

I know, I know.... I am going to hell for thinking like this.  It is my nature to question things.  Just ask my husband, I ask many questions every day about many important and dumb issues.  I love to question peoples' decisions, so why not question the bible.

So I do not go to church therefore I am going to hell, But who is to say that the person who goes to church religiosly is saved even of they do believe that JC died on the cross for them. Let's look at it this way. I am a child malester who attends a chuch three times per week, I believe with everything that I have that JC has died for me... Do I go to Heaven? I hope not. A chritian will argue that a person who believe in god will not do such think. I have to laugh at such naive take on life. Well, I am not a child molester so I really do know how that person feels. 

I do not go to church every sunday. I am lucky to go once per month. Two reasons: my chuch is in charlotte amd I do not believe going to church makes me a better person.  I can honestly say that I fear after death events and that is what drives me to be a good citizen.  I am a good mom, wife, daughter, friend, neighbor, and stranger.  I am a good person regardless my Spok like personality.

I have visited many churches in my life time.  I have visited the most of christian churches why living in the South.  I have been in Baptist Church, Methodist, Catholic, Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, Lutheran, Extreme Baptist...  None of them fit me.  Each one has something about them that my body rejects.  I never understood a microphone, tv screen, band music, screaming out Halleluya(spelling), preacher telling me what and how to think, telling me his/her own interpretation of the bible, the definition of each passage, etc.  I feel like I am at the YMCA.  (I do not want to offend anyone, these are my thoughts and feeling)  I feel like I am joining a cult.  I feel like I drink kool-aid.

I like Armenian Church.  It is a place where you can go say your prayer and leave.  It is a place of a community on a different level.  There are no band practices within the walls of our God's house.  There is a quiet paradise of your thoughts. I like it there.  Only at that church I feel spiritual.  I believe because there, no one can judge me for questioning God, no one can tell me how to interpret the bible, no one will disturb the silence.  I love that, I can meditate., I feel in peace.