Religion - Does anyone take me seriously any more?

Once again I found myself another religion related topic to write about.  That is Baptism...  I know, I know, what can I say about baptism that you guys do not know about.  Well, I am going to say what I think baptism means to me.

Baptism is a ritual of forgiveness between God and a person.  It is a two way conversation.  A person prays to God for forgiveness and then gets into a river and dives into it.  The whole body has to be emerged in water.  There is a deep meaning behind this act.  

The river 'delivers' all the sins away.  This is significant as you are given a second chance.  This is where I think people misunderstand the meaning of baptism.  They things that there will be third, forth, fifth chance....  etc.  The truth is that we do not know if God gives more that second chance.  yet people go through with this secrete ritual without changing their lifestyle, without modifying their behavior, not knowing or understanding the true meaning...

This makes is sad and angry at the same time.  I always said that I did not like people.  Though, it sounds very bad, it is the only way I can communicate how I feel about humans.  I have been in Customer Service industry for a long time.  I learned how to read people.  I know  what to expect out of them.. I profile and I am correct at least 95% of the time.  It is not that I do not like people in general.  It is that I do not like the behavior of people.    But this is a whole other blog.

PS.  My readers... Please do not take this personally.  This is a blog after all..... 

My America

Funny that I call the US mine.  I lived in this country for only 11 years yet I do not felt so in touch with any other country.  My America is a very young country. Merely 300 years old it has a very short history compare to the rest of the world.  The Europe does not see America as equal in literature, culture or any other aspect. It is an 'enemy' on some level.

I can say many great things about America.  It is the greatest country to live in.  I know because I lived in Europe, I know what happens there.  

From a very young age non-American's are taught not to like Americans.  They are selfish, uneducated, uncultured bunch of people.  And by European standards they are correct.  But what they are missing is the core and the strength of this country.  No where else in the world people proudly hang their flag in front of their home.  No where else in the world people sing their hymn while not being forced.  

The first time I felt an American was at a Baseball game.  The hymn was playing and I took my hand and placed it on my heart and that is when I knew where I belong.  I am not going to say that I had tears in my eyes because I didn't. But I did FEEL!

My America is full of opportunities, happiness, pride.  I am honored to be a part of this land.  I am proud to be an American!!!!!!!

Why women cry..... the movie edition

For many years I have been observing many women crying over movies.  The cheesier the movie the more tears cascade down a face of a woman.  Today, I talked to a friend of mine about such movies.  Two came to mind and both seem to touch her heard equally.  In this blog I would like to discuss those and a couple other movies.

The Notebook

Really??!!  I was watching it with a friend of mine... by the end of the movie and one kleenex box later I was bored out of my mind.  Ten minutes into the movie I knew exactly what was going to happen.  The remainder of the movie I watch my friend drowning in her own tears.  Although I try, I do not understand why women cry during a love story.  Is it because they want to be a part of some thing so dramatic that they had to make a movie about it?  Is it because their lives are so dull that some high-paid actors push just the correct combination of buttons to make viewers' lives more exciting.  I wish I knew the answer to all of my questions.  I wish I could experience that feeling of remorse towards actors on the screen doing what they are paid to do.  

In The Notebook an elderly couple of going through a memory lane of their life.  It is a truly interesting story full of love and devotion of two people.  The drama is overwhelming and the screenwriter made sure of it.  

PS I love you

I hated that movie.  It was a typical movie targeted women directly.  They took the weakest aspect of woman's personality - inability to let go.

A man, a great husband, a light of her life dies.  The movie takes us through a life of a woman he left behind.  A woman who receives letters from her dead husband asking her to run errands for him... :)  It is a reverse love story.  In real life she should begin a healing process after her husband's death but in this movie she was walked through that process by her dead husband.  

Again, it is one of those stories when a screenwriter created a story that should not happen to anyone for their own sake.  But somehow women fall for it and cry about it.

My husband always tells people that I did not cry during Passion of the Christ.  He takes it as far as saying that I made fun of it.  The truth is I did not cry.  There was nothing to cry about.  It was a story of Jesus.  The blood was his make up, the violence was brilliantly orchestrated, and the actor did fantastic job reliving a life of Jesus Christ himself.  But, and there is always BUT, I do not feel sorry for a guy in the movie (aka the actor) who got paid millions of dollars to play a part in this movie.  Its not personal, its business.  

I do not cry at movies.  I have been missing my sensitivity chip my whole life.  I do not understand why people cry.  I am curious.  I want to feel it but I can't give a director a pleasure of getting a tear out of me.  The only movie I would consider to get sad during is Schindler's List.  Not because of the story during the film but the story behind the film.

For those of you who know me, this is not a surprise.  I do not hide my confusion about your tears of sadness.  I am always forward with my opinion.  I love the fact that you feel as through that I get to experience these uncharted waters of emotions.

Religion - nothing is _____ any longer

I was watching TV last night and came across a religious program.  In that program, a preacher was telling me what to think while asking for donations.  This man did not sit on an ordinary chair, in an ordinary room, wearing ordinary cloths.  He was very well dressed, sitting in a throne like chair in a room full of golden statuettes, many vases of arranged flowers, and wealth breathing walls.  I understand that it is a set up but how commercialized can religion get.  

He is not alone in this money making business.  What about the performers who make killing on god saved children.  There is an award show for them!!!  WHAT DA H E L L!!!!!  I mean it....

Jesus said that he did not want the money and wealth but spiritual fulness. 

If all the people who make money really cared about spreading the word of JC then the concerts will cost minimal amount just enough to cover the expenses and no profit would be made.  I am not against the profit.  All I am saying is to call things for what they are.  All those God fearing individuals who "want" to spread the word are nothing but a corporation making the money off the religion.  There names should be:

Brandon Heath, Corp.

Steven Curtis Chapman, LLC    etc...

(I had to look the names up as I know nothing about them)  :)

Then, I see what they are doing and I can respect them for that.

My Religion - Thought One

My grandmother always said that religion is not something you want to talk about at the table. Come to think of it, we never talked about religion. Most of the people have their own way of thinking about their god(s). With that said, I do as well.

My first encounter with the religion in the US was about 10 years ago when I was asked if I was saved ..... What?! I was not sure how to react to a question like that. I would like to think that my God will take me (if my god excists) when my time comes. 

It has been a long journey and till this day I wonder about God, the bible, and the spiritual life.  I have been in the middle of that struggle for some time now. The questions are constantly there..  where is God?  Why is God so untouchable and unexplainable?  Why should I believe the Bible word to word?  Why? 

I know, I know.... I am going to hell for thinking like this.  It is my nature to question things.  Just ask my husband, I ask many questions every day about many important and dumb issues.  I love to question peoples' decisions, so why not question the bible.

So I do not go to church therefore I am going to hell, But who is to say that the person who goes to church religiosly is saved even of they do believe that JC died on the cross for them. Let's look at it this way. I am a child malester who attends a chuch three times per week, I believe with everything that I have that JC has died for me... Do I go to Heaven? I hope not. A chritian will argue that a person who believe in god will not do such think. I have to laugh at such naive take on life. Well, I am not a child molester so I really do know how that person feels. 

I do not go to church every sunday. I am lucky to go once per month. Two reasons: my chuch is in charlotte amd I do not believe going to church makes me a better person.  I can honestly say that I fear after death events and that is what drives me to be a good citizen.  I am a good mom, wife, daughter, friend, neighbor, and stranger.  I am a good person regardless my Spok like personality.

I have visited many churches in my life time.  I have visited the most of christian churches why living in the South.  I have been in Baptist Church, Methodist, Catholic, Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, Lutheran, Extreme Baptist...  None of them fit me.  Each one has something about them that my body rejects.  I never understood a microphone, tv screen, band music, screaming out Halleluya(spelling), preacher telling me what and how to think, telling me his/her own interpretation of the bible, the definition of each passage, etc.  I feel like I am at the YMCA.  (I do not want to offend anyone, these are my thoughts and feeling)  I feel like I am joining a cult.  I feel like I drink kool-aid.

I like Armenian Church.  It is a place where you can go say your prayer and leave.  It is a place of a community on a different level.  There are no band practices within the walls of our God's house.  There is a quiet paradise of your thoughts. I like it there.  Only at that church I feel spiritual.  I believe because there, no one can judge me for questioning God, no one can tell me how to interpret the bible, no one will disturb the silence.  I love that, I can meditate., I feel in peace.

My Dad

I was two and a half when my father passed away. Seems like a long time ago, I know. But not a day goes by that I do not think of him..

I know him through stories, pictures, rumors, and reputation. I wish I could remember him.

Consideration

What is consideration? According to webster it is:

con·sid·er·ation

Pronunciation:

\kən-ˌsi-də-ˈrā-shən\

Function:

noun

Date:

14th century

1: continuous and careful thought consideration he agreed to their requests>2 a: a matter weighed or taken into account when formulating an opinion or plan considerations forced her to leave college> b: a taking into account3: thoughtful and sympathetic regard

After reading the above description I know the following... It is has been around long enough for people to digest it and implement into their every day life. But I wonder why some people choose to ignore such important action. Regardless how much I dislike someone I always take that person in consideration if required.

I am having difficult time writing about this. After all, I had an experience that brought this up to the surface. I really want to know why certain some one does not take some things in consideration. I am known for being up front to people. I do not say things behind people's back unless I am willing to say into their face. Unfortunately, I find myself in a situation when I cannot really say it up front. I am not afraid just do not want to start something unpleasant. So here is the best that I can do.....

If my kids read this I hope they understand that I have nothing against no one..... I am just trying to understand...'

It was Mother;s Day yesterday. After the day has passed three of my six kids did not call me. It did not hurt my feeling because I know they are kids and their brain does not quiet get it yet. But what I do not understand is why they were not reminded to make a phone call. After all I did give them up on our weekend so that they could spend Mother;s Day with their mom. It had nothing do to with the plans. We were ready to tell the kids that all of their plans would have to be canceled because that weekend was very important to me. So I was considerate but I did not get that back. TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.... I know what it means and I live my life by that rule.

A big part of a step parent is constantly being remind that you are step. It is a curse that has been put upon us to suffer for loving our non-biological children.

PS they did call after my husband called remind them....

The First Amendment

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

The First Amendment of Bill of Right. One sentence and 46 words. Short and simple yet it allows me to write this blog about whatever I wish. It allows you to read if you choose to do so. No police knocking on my door, no KGB monitoring my internet activities, no neighbor "telling" on me.

This Amendment is not to be taken lightly. Because of the freedom of speech or of the press the United States became what it is today. For some strange reason people take their constitution for granted. They think it will always be there no matter what, but it is soon to change. Our freedom of speech and press has been put on Obama watch. He is watching us not for the security reasons but for socialist reason. He wants us to think as convenient for him. He wants us feel as we are in need of his holly touch. He is getting 50% of Americans to think that is it OK to depend on him and it is not OK to say anything against him as he is the ONE, he is the forgotten child....

I know what the First Amendment means to me, but I would really like to know what it means to you. Please share your thought....

A Conversation

This evening E and I went to a Variety Show at K's school. What a variety it was!!!! A bunch of kids having fun. There were two talented kids, that is it... The rest did all the other things that did not take much of a talent.... singing badly, dancing badly, signing, unfunny comedy, and other unmemorable performances. But the intro guy was funny. He did not mind to get beating from the audience. Good for him!!!!

I could write more about the show but this blog is about a conversation E and I had on the way home. We have been the best of friends for a long time. For well over seven years we have been sharing the biggest secrets with one another. This made us very close. This evening E talked about some of those secrets. We have brought up the past and talked about it for 45 min. It was a great way to start tonight.

I have been in relationships before but nothing like the one with E. We are meant to be with one another without a doubt. Everything we had to get through our lives led to our meeting. When we decided to be together it was a decision easy to make. It was natural. We knew majority of the people around us would not like it. We knew we had the kids to worry about. We also knew that the love and care and understanding will help us to face future challenges.

Back to the conversation. We asked each other the most intimate questions about previous relationships. The more was uncovered the more interesting it was getting. It is amazing the type of things we had to go through life and still stay the good people that we are.

We talked about our past relationships in depth. We uncovered many things, we relived some of our pasts. It made us closer. It made us inseparatable. The more E and I talk about the past the more we uncover the reasons why we are together.

I love him beyond and he loves beyond more....

The Kids

I have six kids. I am 29 years old and I have six children. When people I meet ask me how many kids I have that is what I tell them. Six. I get funny looks all the time. Most of the time they tell me that I am too young to have that many. What can I say.....? Sometimes I tell them that three of them are my step-kids, but most of the time I do not. I figure they already began their judgement process so why stop them.

Most of my friends think that I am crazy. They could not believe that I would be with the man with three kids. I lost several of my friends because of that. It was well worth it.

I love them. I love all of them equally. Strange, I know but so true. I look forward when I have them all at the same time. I get tired and stressed but sad when it is time for three of them to go back to their mother's house.

It took them a while to warm up to me. I never lie to them, I always tell them the truth. I give them my opinion as straight forward as I can. At first they did not like it. They 'told on' me a lot. I had to deal with all kinds of verbiage and name calling. But again, it was very well worth it. To this day I have to experience some unpleasant situations but they do not bother me. In the end I look at those kids as my own.

'T' is still so little. She acts like a teenager but her maturity does not allow her to pass my test. 'K' and I are getting much closer. She asks me for advice or opinion and values both. 'A' has so much work to do before she is ready to face the harsh world. I am working on her sensitivity so she will be OK.

But in the mix of it all they have a biological mother. At least that is what I call her. She does not have to try to get them to love her. She does not have to do anything special for them to get them to care for her. She simply exists and they love her regardless. I always take her in consideration when it comes to major talks with the girls. I never talk to them before her. I always communicate with her about any significant events that happens over the weekend or summer. When kids come to me and express their hate towards her and talk them back into loving her. I do not have to do it. I can just walk away. But as a mother I know the importance of biological mother. In the end, after all the everyday events are done and kids are in bed fast asleep, she is their mother. I will never be loved by them as they love her, they will never call me mom and one would think that it would bother me. Not at all. I want them to call me Nina. I have three kids that call me mom, it is refreshing to be called by my name by the other three. I do not expect them to love me. I expect respect - that is all.

They are my babies. All six of them.. I know it is difficult for anyone to understand why I look at them that way but it is not my problem. Most step-parents are just that step-parents. Not me... I will care and love all of them equally 4ever.

a piece of me

My life was not always great. I went through ups and downs plenty of times. Many months of my childhood I do not remember. People ask me questions that I cannot answer. What was I doing when I was nine? I have no idea. The only thing that I remember is the falling of the Wall. Do I have to remember anything else? When I was ten my life made a 180 turn and we became poor. I do not mean poor like in the US. I mean poor like in Europe after WWII. There was no food. There were no jobs to earn money to get food. The borders were closed so everything was local grown. Soon we run out of that as well. I know it sound very bad. But do not remember it as a bad experience at all.

My life was full of adventure. My friends and I were full of life. We had empty stomachs that were filled with curiosity. For the first time in our lives we discovered the shell of a bullet, kalashnikov, tanks.. all the cool military stuff. I look back as an adult and understand how dangerous that was, but as a kid it truly was the best time of my life. We talked the soldiers into giving us a ride on the tank. We went to school while listening to gun shots. We went to bed while guessing which gun was fired. Does not sound good, does it? :)

For the past two years I have been living a very comfortable life. Many people think of me as a spoiled kid. Someone who is after money. Those people are wrong. They do not know me. I enjoy luxury. I was born into luxury. I was fed with the silver spoon since I could eat. Seriously. I ate the best caviar available every day. I was chauffeured around since the day I was born. All compliments of my father's family.

After my father's death my mom left the family. we were on our own. When I was 10 I was asked to "join" the family all over again. I did not agree nor disagree. I visited every Sunday. It was like going to church. No one really enjoys to do it but go because of their obligation to God. Well, I had my obligations so I went. At 16 I left that family. I could not live by those rules. I wanted to be me. I wanted to make mistakes. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to think for myself. All my wants costed lots of money. But that is not what I missed leaving behind. What I miss the most is seeing my father's and my grandfather's pictures hanging on the wall. I missed my cousin. I missed the feeling of belonging to something great. That family was great in the sense of community outreach. It was a family of doctor's. If I was to stay in the family, today I would have been a doctor, probably running my grandmother's clinic. WOW!!! This is sooo not me. I could have had it but I gave it up. So I am not after the money after all.

Every part of my childhood made me who I am today. I love me. I can teach my kids to appreciate running water and electricity. I can try to explain to them hunger and the difference between wants and needs. I can do that as most people can't.

Because I had to live the life that I lived, I can make my kids better human beings.

Article

This morning while waiting for my husband at the doctor's office I read an article about the publicity Obama gets every day. I was reading the article with the smile on my face. I did find it sad that I take my current president with humor and very little respect. I never thought of having a celebrity president. Ronald Reagan was the only one who could have claimed to be a celebrity president but instead he chose to be a patriot to his country and to fight for the liberty and freedom as our founding fathers had envisioned many years ago.

So why did so many people vote for Obama? What is so special about him? The media presented him a the first Black president. I believe that is a great way to show the world that Americans as a whole are not racist. It is a great way to show the "black community" that racism is not in majority of "white" peoples' hearts. There is no differentiation. There is respect, love and unity of all races, believes, sexual orientation, etc... We the people.... not we the "white" people....

So if the majority of population does not see the color of the skin then why did so many people vote for Obama?

I do not claim to have an answer to that question. But I do have some thoughts.

1. Pier pressure - the white population had to prove to black population that they are not racist. what is the better way to do it if not voting for a black democratic candidate for the president.

2. Sweet Speeches - and what a speeches they were! He knows how to get the crowd going, but so does Brittney Spears, Aerosmith, Rolling Stone, Justin Timberlake, Madonna... should I go on? I always thought we were a nation of thinkers and not the followers. You, the people, proved me wrong.

3. Misleading promises - I have never heard so much lie in my life coming from one person. It was like Bill Clinton all over again times 10. To be honest I enjoyed listening to Obama's speeches. They inspired me to be a better and stronger CONSERVATIVE. Yes!.. all CAPS because I feel it in my heart.

4. John McCain - republican party could have not made it easier for Obama to be elected.

There are many more reasons why we have to deal with our current president.

I know many of you will not agree with my views but I do hope that you open your eyes to something new.

introduction

I would like to introduce myself. My name is Nina. I have been living in the United States of America for almost 11 years. I am married with kids. I enjoy cooking and find challenging to place all the "a"s and "the"s in the correct place. So bare with me.

I decided to start my own blog because I have many things to say to many different people. People I do not know and probably never will. Nevertheless, I believe in that every voice should be heard.

I came into this country raised by Europe. I thought the US was a beast. I thought the people of the US were self-centered and uncultured. I thought that for a while until I grew up and learned to love this country. Today I am a different person. I will fight for this land because I love it.

But I do not want to get into politics right away. I do not want to scare off all the liberals, after all I do want some audience.