a piece of me

My life was not always great. I went through ups and downs plenty of times. Many months of my childhood I do not remember. People ask me questions that I cannot answer. What was I doing when I was nine? I have no idea. The only thing that I remember is the falling of the Wall. Do I have to remember anything else? When I was ten my life made a 180 turn and we became poor. I do not mean poor like in the US. I mean poor like in Europe after WWII. There was no food. There were no jobs to earn money to get food. The borders were closed so everything was local grown. Soon we run out of that as well. I know it sound very bad. But do not remember it as a bad experience at all.

My life was full of adventure. My friends and I were full of life. We had empty stomachs that were filled with curiosity. For the first time in our lives we discovered the shell of a bullet, kalashnikov, tanks.. all the cool military stuff. I look back as an adult and understand how dangerous that was, but as a kid it truly was the best time of my life. We talked the soldiers into giving us a ride on the tank. We went to school while listening to gun shots. We went to bed while guessing which gun was fired. Does not sound good, does it? :)

For the past two years I have been living a very comfortable life. Many people think of me as a spoiled kid. Someone who is after money. Those people are wrong. They do not know me. I enjoy luxury. I was born into luxury. I was fed with the silver spoon since I could eat. Seriously. I ate the best caviar available every day. I was chauffeured around since the day I was born. All compliments of my father's family.

After my father's death my mom left the family. we were on our own. When I was 10 I was asked to "join" the family all over again. I did not agree nor disagree. I visited every Sunday. It was like going to church. No one really enjoys to do it but go because of their obligation to God. Well, I had my obligations so I went. At 16 I left that family. I could not live by those rules. I wanted to be me. I wanted to make mistakes. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to think for myself. All my wants costed lots of money. But that is not what I missed leaving behind. What I miss the most is seeing my father's and my grandfather's pictures hanging on the wall. I missed my cousin. I missed the feeling of belonging to something great. That family was great in the sense of community outreach. It was a family of doctor's. If I was to stay in the family, today I would have been a doctor, probably running my grandmother's clinic. WOW!!! This is sooo not me. I could have had it but I gave it up. So I am not after the money after all.

Every part of my childhood made me who I am today. I love me. I can teach my kids to appreciate running water and electricity. I can try to explain to them hunger and the difference between wants and needs. I can do that as most people can't.

Because I had to live the life that I lived, I can make my kids better human beings.